just tell him i said nine months
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
