my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
