gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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