Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
