We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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