The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
