great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
