in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize