It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
