Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
