I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
