i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
