She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
