Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
