I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
