Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize