Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
