Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
