I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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