Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
