u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize