I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
