How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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