I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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