Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
