So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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