I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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