whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Randomize
