So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
