good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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