Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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