k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Fuck appropriateness.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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