My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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