I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
