ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
this is an emotional support booty call
Randomize