just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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