It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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