I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
