So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Vodka?
Forever.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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