Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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