margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
