Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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