He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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