cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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