Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
