i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
