I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You're a waste of cheezeits
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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