Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
