How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
