Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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