Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
