I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
