I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
