Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
