you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
