just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
