i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
