We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
