69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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