Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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