I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
