his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
