dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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