ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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