I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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