Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
