You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
