Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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