I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
