i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize