How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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